A Soulless Year Three Page 5

  That left me with the increasing certainty that I was being kept off the battlefield on purpose. I couldn’t blame Metatron for acting this way, since like Michael had said, my powers were very volatile. But if that was the case, I wanted to at least be told.

  Many times, I came close to asking my lovers about it. But after what had happened the last time we’d had sex, I was reluctant to rock the boat.

  I’d messed up that day, after our little orgy. I knew that. But I’d given the episode a little more thought and I’d started to wonder if there was more to their reaction than their natural aversion to The Infernal Realm.

  Unfortunately, I couldn’t ask. I was sure they were hiding something, but I had to hope they’d bring it up themselves if it was absolutely necessary. If I tried to mention it, I’d end up making a bigger mess.

  They never told me what was on their mind. In the end, it was Kemuel who came to see me.

  He must have realized I was getting antsy again, because a few days after the official beginning of our unofficial war with The Infernal Realm, he pulled me aside. My lovers eyed him suspiciously, but I went along with it, curious.

  “What can I help you with, High Seraph Kemuel?” I asked him once we were alone.

  He and Hamaliel had been the ones who’d come up with the idea of me protecting the divine spark in the first place. If Morrigan was to be believed, that had had something to do with this whole debacle. Had he realized it? Was he angry? Or was this about something unrelated?

  “It has come to my attention, Guardian Angel Delilah, that we never did settle our dispute,” he said.

  I was so distracted by him calling me a Guardian Angel that for a few seconds, the rest of his words didn’t really process. When it finally did, it took me a couple of seconds to provide him with a response. It wasn’t very coherent, but it was something. “Huh? Dispute?”

  Kemuel wasn’t dissuaded by my less than enthusiastic reaction. “Yes. I always intended to ask you for a rematch after that incident in class, but due to recent developments, it didn’t seem like a good idea.”

  “And it seems like a good idea now, in the middle of a war with the demons?” Seriously, sometimes angels had no fucking sense.

  “Now is precisely the best time,” Kemuel replied. “I still believe in you, Delilah. I believe that you must be the one to protect the divine spark. As long as that is the case, I need to ascertain that, when the time comes, you’ll be able to do it without anyone else to back you up.”

  Ouch. He wasn’t wrong in reminding me of my inadequacy. Every time I’d had to face Lucifer or his consorts, it had gone sideways. I was powerful, but without real control over my abilities, that wouldn’t help me much. That was why I’d come to the academy in the first place, to learn how to use this gift.

  But still, I had my doubts about Kemuel’s idea.

  “Do you really think a rematch is the way to go right now, High Seraph? I mean, isn’t it a little dangerous?”

  “I’d love to say your concerns aren’t valid,” Kemuel replied, “but that would be a lie. We’ll take all possible precautions.” Kemuel walked up to me and pressed his hand to my shoulder. “Delilah, you must understand where I’m coming from. This isn’t just about me.”

  Right. The whole point of this ‘dispute’ was the fact that I’d managed to extinguish an archon. When I panicked, I could do damage to my own allies. We couldn’t afford that, not now.

  “Yes, of course. I perfectly understand what you mean. Did you have anything particular in mind?”

  “Don’t worry. We won’t get too ambitious. We want you to test your strength, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to put too much strain on your body. Come with me.”

  I was nervous, but when he offered me his hand, I took it. Power swept over me as we both transformed into currents of energy.

  It wasn’t the first time I’d traveled this way with an angel other than my lovers, but for some reason, the touch of Kemuel’s magic turned my stomach. If I’d still been able to eat, I’d have probably thrown up.

  Instead, the moment we got to our destination, I let go of Kemuel’s hand, trying to hide how much that had affected me. I must not have been very successful, because Kemuel scowled. “Are you all right, Delilah? You look a little green.”

  “I’m fine,” I assured him. The last thing I wanted was for him to focus on the weird side-effects of his power on me. I looked around and made a show of being interested in his plan. “Where exactly are we?”

  As far as I could tell, there was nothing special about this place. It looked like just another randomly generated location in Watcher Academy, a wide glowing field with nothing but clouds and energy all around us. But it was obviously more than it appeared to be, because Kemuel shot me a small, unsettling grin.

  “We are in Araboth, or, if you want an easier name, Seventh Heaven. You might have heard of it in your studies. It’s my home.”

  Oh, all right. I supposed that explained my weird reaction to the transport method. This was the first time I’d left the academy and traveled to another part of The Celestial Realm, and the Seventh Heaven was the furthest away and most inaccessible one.

  “I thought you said you didn’t want to try anything ambitious. Bringing me here doesn’t exactly line up with that. Do I even have permission to come to Araboth?”

  “Don’t worry about that,” Kemuel replied, waving his hand dismissively. “You wouldn’t normally be allowed to come here, no, but these aren’t normal circumstances. Besides, as long as you’re with a High Seraph, it’s perfectly safe.”

  That didn’t answer anything and my first instinct was to tell him I’d changed my mind. I should be going home. This was a bad idea, and knowing my luck, I’d end up extinguishing Kemuel all over again.

  As if guessing my thoughts, Kemuel decided to explain. “Here, my connection with the divine is at its most profound. Even if you extinguish me, the effects won’t last, because my archon form will naturally feed from the energies of Araboth and keep me from suffering any serious damage.”

  Why did I get the feeling I wouldn’t be so fortunate? Oh, well. It wasn’t the first time I had to do something I didn’t want, nor would it be the last. “All right, High Seraph. Whenever you’re ready, just let me know.”

  Kemuel took a few steps away from me and turned to face me. He didn’t speak again. Instead, his whole body started to glow and expand, growing more and more until he was dwarfing me.

  The first time I’d faced Kemuel as an archon, I hadn’t realized he was a regular angel at all. The sheer intensity of his power had terrified me, making me feel small and helpless.

  It was so much worse today. Kemuel didn’t go through a complete shift, instead choosing a sort of in-between form that was about three times my size. Even so, the energy he emanated was almost suffocating. When I squinted, I could see The Celestial Realm feeding him, as if he was a parasite drawing onto the power of The Supreme Being.

  It was a strange thought to have. I didn’t know where it came from. Somehow, though, it felt suitable.

  A parasite. Yes, that was what Kemuel was. Nothing more than a parasite, one I would happily eradicate.

  Light and magic licked over my bare feet. I blinked and focused on what I was supposed to accomplish here. I had to defeat Kemuel, yes, but without eradicating him. Appropriate application of force was the key.

  Death was peaceful. Death was peaceful. Come on, Delilah. You can do this.

  Kemuel didn’t wait for me to finish giving myself pep talks. His wings morphed, each feather turning into separate, ghostly shadows. It reminded me a little of the demons I’d had to fight when Mikael had attacked Watcher Academy. It didn’t help my focus at all.

  The creatures all lunged at me, and I decided I’d had enough. I was beginning to think Kemuel had ulterior motives for bringing me here. So he wanted me to give him a fight. He wanted me to end our dispute. He wanted me to show him I could be an asset to The Celestial Realm. Fucking
fine.

  There was no point in getting angry or scared. This was just another mission, another task I had to complete. I’d handled creatures that were so much worse. This was nothing.

  Taking a deep breath, I summoned my magic to my aid and released a blast of magic. As my aura spread around me, the creations of light dissipated into wisps of harmless smoke.

  Kemuel didn’t give up so easily, not that I expected him to. Over and over, he continued attacking me, sometimes with the creations of light, other times making the ground itself turn against me. Everything here was a tool for him, so I launched myself into the air, shielding myself with my wings and retaliating.

  At first, we were both careful. I didn’t lash out at him like I had in the past and he tested my limits with far more thoroughness than anyone—except, perhaps, Michael—had ever used before. It felt like we were dancing around each other instead of actually fighting. I kept batting him away, and he kept pressing me, poking, prodding, and being an all around nuisance. Whenever I thought I’d made some progress, he’d change tactics and grow more vicious than before.

  It didn’t surprise me that Kemuel was a versatile fighter. If anything, it pleased me, because it meant this wasn’t a total waste of time. Watching his effortless glide between fighting styles made me test a few different things too.

  But even millennia-old seraphim could lose their patience, and at one point, Kemuel decided to abandon our game. His summons withdrew, replaced by something far more insidious, a power that stemmed from the archon’s deepest, darkest nature.

  The moment it touched me, I knew it was different from what I’d experienced before. Gnosis, a voice whispered at the back of my mind. Avoid it. Run.

  Once upon a time, when I’d been only a human, I’d have laughed at the idea that abstract knowledge could be dangerous. In the right hands, knowledge was an excellent weapon, but not something that could physically harm anyone. Right?

  But gnosis was different. The essence of spiritual mysteries held a degree of intensity that could easily overwhelm regular minds.

  I knew that was what Kemuel was going for and I had no intention of allowing it.

  The sharp blade of my secrets surged inside me, and even if Gorgon wasn’t there, I could feel him wrapping his serpentine body around me. The angels were underestimating me. They always had.

  Wasn’t this whole thing yet another way of undermining me, of showing me I was inferior to them? Well, if they had the power of knowledge at their fingertips, so did I.

  I reached into my center and focused on Death’s gift. I tasted poison and viciousness on my lips. The sound of countless screams echoed in my ears and I could suddenly feel ghostly fingers trailing over my spine.

  I shrugged it all off and focused on Kemuel. If he sought to use knowledge against me, I could do the same.

  In this form, Kemuel wasn’t humanoid, but he did still have eyes. They were like glowing orbs of starlight, shining so brightly it was almost blinding.

  Kemuel wasn’t Azrael. He might have intellectual knowledge of death, but he wasn’t accustomed to its touch. I used that to my benefit, swamping him with my anger, my grief, every single ounce of emotion I could gather in my heart.

  It wasn’t energy manipulation, or any kind of magic Uriel and the others had tried to teach me. Honestly, I was just so frustrated. They didn’t understand. They kept pretending they did, but it was a lie. Uriel might have claimed I was a creature of deception, but they were just as dishonest when they tried to display emotions they couldn’t experience.

  And maybe it was a little presumptuous of me to make any guesses about Kemuel, about what he could and could not feel. I didn’t know him that well and I didn’t completely understand High Seraphs. But I’d long ago stopped pretending to be a good person.

  We both paid the price for my recklessness and for Kemuel’s arrogance. Our magic clashed, just like it had during that first battle. Around us, the white fields of Araboth flickered with shards of black and silver-blue.

  Fortunately, Kemuel had been right when he’d said Araboth could shield us from the damage. The recoil echoed into us and we were thrown back, away from one another. But unlike during our confrontation at Watcher Academy, we weren’t knocked out or extinguished.

  Unable to keep flying, I fell from the air. But I did manage to clumsily land, which was good enough. Kemuel’s glow faded and his archon form started to crack, leaving behind his regular shape. Even so, he didn’t look too wounded.

  For a few seconds, silence fell. The power of gnosis still vibrated between us like a threat. I felt like I was being watched by a million eyes and it took everything in my power to not shield myself with my wings again.

  Then, Kemuel rubbed his chest with his hand and the moment broke. “Ow,” he said simply. “Well, that was new. I didn’t think I could experience physical pain while in Araboth.”

  I hadn’t thought he could experience physical pain at all, and the magic I’d summoned had been emotional, not physical. But angels were creatures of spirit, so it was not so strange that my power would force him to experience such discomfort, even on his own turf.

  I would have been happier about it had my limbs not felt so heavy, but I decided that was a small price to pay. Or so I hoped.

  “So… Did that go well? I’m not really sure.” I couldn’t afford to be incapacitated just to indulge Kemuel’s desire to spar, but on the other hand, this might help me toughen up. It was difficult to tell.

  “Yes and no,” Kemuel replied. “You still have a propensity to lose your temper. But that’s okay. We can work on that.”

  “With all due respect, High Seraph Kemuel, we don’t have time to work on that. I’m needed elsewhere.”

  “Yes, you are.” Kemuel’s expression softened. “But you’re not alone in this. The demons want to push our hand and force you into something you’re not ready for. But you don’t have to lose control, not this time.”

  I couldn’t disagree with that, but something in his words still struck me as off. It was as if every time I looked at Kemuel, every time I heard his voice, there was a strange veil between us, keeping me from figuring out what he truly meant.

  By the time I left Seventh Heaven, I was more confused than ever before. I didn’t understand why Kemuel would act this way with me, or why he’d offer his unconditional assistance.

  Something wasn’t right. I just knew it. But could I afford to dig too deeply, now of all times?

  No, I couldn’t. Lucifer’s defeat was more important. I would focus on figuring out the mystery once the demons were no longer a threat. Until then, I’d just have to watch my back and be extra careful around the angels.

  After all, I’d been betrayed before. I had no desire to repeat the experience.

  * * *

  The first battle with Kemuel was just one of the many I had to fight. The High Seraph often approached me for sparring sessions whenever I wasn’t on shift. As the days passed, I became more and more annoyed with the whole thing. Fighting Kemuel always left me tired and on edge and it was something I couldn’t afford.

  I tried to talk to Metatron about it, but he told me there was nothing he could do. “I might be the official leader of Watcher Academy, but this isn’t related to regular classes. You don’t have to agree to it if you don’t want to, Delilah, but the High Seraph’s commands come directly from The Supreme Being.”

  That left me in the bad situation of either ignoring orders from God himself or continuing this frustrating cycle of battles I couldn’t seem to escape. Not knowing what to do, I temporarily chose the latter option.

  My lovers helped, up to a point, at least. They were always supportive and after that first time, they insisted to come with me whenever I fought Kemuel. But even so, it was difficult.

  I’d often see them share concerned glances and I hated myself for dumping yet another burden on their shoulders.

  What could I do? I sucked it up and accepted the whole mess as yet another part
of my oh-so-wonderful afterlife.

  On the bright side, the war with The Infernal Realm hadn’t escalated. So far, there had only been scattered attacks, all of which we’d managed to suppress. The humans were beginning to show some restlessness, but hadn’t realized anything was wrong.

  It should have relieved me, but instead, all I felt was wariness. If Lucifer and his consorts felt so much grief over the loss of their child, logic stated that they should be acting immediately. A slow, prolonged attack made no sense. Something was going on behind the scenes, I just knew it. They were planning something. But what?

  Two weeks after the beginning of the whole ordeal with Kemuel, my team and I left Watcher Academy on yet another demon hunting mission. Our point of contact was an actual Guardian Angel, the very first I’d met.

  Guardian Angels didn’t frequent The Celestial Realm a lot. Usually, their role was to watch over the people they were assigned to. Since they were divine beings, most Guardian Angels had more than one charge.

  When we found our contact, he was in a Parisian cafe, eating a croissant and browsing Le Figaro. Sariel took one look at him and said, “This will be unpleasant.”

  “Why?” I asked, confused. “He seems relaxed.”

  “He hasn’t touched his coffee,” Azazel pointed out. “Trust us on this. That’s a bad sign.”

  They were right. As soon as we joined the angel at his table, he set his newspaper aside and looked up at me. Our gazes met and in his eyes, I could see a fear so intense it paralyzed me.

  He blinked and the strange moment passed. “I am Dubbiel. Please, sit.”

  We did, and I was kind of jealous of Dubbiel, since I’d have liked to order something too. The humans couldn’t see us, though, only him, and only because he wanted them to.

  Unlike me, Dubbiel hadn’t been human, but he didn’t seem to mind my background either. “I know a lot of my brethren see mankind as weak, but I disagree with them. I’ve watched empires rise and fall. They might not have the strength of The Celestial Realm, but that doesn’t make them any less important.”